Limbo Land and Loving Less
Not staying put (surprise)! Not in terms of leaving where I am right now but I'm still fidgeting: hiking, dog park, job applications, errands, hiking, dog park, job applications. Trying to make a decision to between two very different lifestyles while also trying not to let it drag on for too long because 'tis the joys of unemployment. Sorry-I really don't mean to glamours this time in my life. I'll have it known that I made sure to have enough financials to back me up while I spin out of control (within reason, of course).
Today was supposed to include a photoshoot but the weather decided against that, however before encountering such, I had decided that we (side note, whenever I refer to "we" it is always in reference to me and Zuke...even if there will be a human companion down the road) were going to hike our favorite dog-friendly hike in Salt Lake City. Having lived at The University of Utah for a semester, I was favorable of the trail that runs from behind Red Butte around the back of the ridge that the more accessible trail is at, to get to The Living Room. Two things: I am seriously out of shape, haha, and it was extremely windy so, at one point I couldn't really control the nose drool.
My favorite thing about this hike is that you get to a point where the trail "ends" and do not get me wrong, the view is stunning: panoramic glory from a stone seat capturing The Valley, The Great Salt Lake, The Capitol Building, and The Front Range. You can fall in love with the cancerous-air quality city in a skipped breath and increased heartbeat. It's worth stopping for, however, there are far cooler places to sit...you just have to take a few extra steps up the mountain. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
I collapsed into a smaller room this afternoon while Zuke took a rest just slightly above me on some higher ground (the herding breed in him, the overseer). Snacking on naan and hummus, I was flushed with memories of traveling in New Zealand and how much more casual what I have chosen to do was not as "dirt-baggy" as we sometimes let it seem. Admittedly, living on the road, out of our cars, is far more glamours, admirable, and longed after, nowadays.
Reflecting while layering back up due to the lovely wind, I am trying to take life slower and with more thought in every hour, with more purpose. For instance, as a notorious five-over-the-limit driver, I have really been attempting to consciously take my time. Less road rage I'll tell ya that much. Also, my gas mileage likes the relaxed pace. There's not a lot of space or time for holding on to things that did not go your way or people that fell out of your life because of it; there's more space for accepting your part in things but understanding that, on the basis of being human, if you needed help, they will pick up every time. I wondered why some people become apart of our life so that in a few years we will know nothing about their whereabouts or well-being again, but it's okay. I want to feel less sorrow for lost relationships and connections and instead view them as lessons in progression and acceptance. Maybe we are meant to meet people multiple times throughout our lives until we are ready to learn how to love them.
I will admit that I am slightly relishing in growing forward; to me, I do not have a fall-back right now, I only have the ability to move forward from my position. After hiking down from our spot, both tired, I parked the Subaru and popped the trunk to relax. Always cold, I was snuggled in my sleeping bag with Zuke curled up beside me, soundly taking a snooze as the raindrops increased their patter on windows. Moments like this one, you want so badly to hold onto them forever.
Looking around at the big bin in my car, taking up all it's space, trying to x-ray analyze what more I could eliminate from my life. There is a strong desire to really gut the belongings and I am trying hard to remind myself that I may be potentially returning to a life with a front door. That freedom has been addicting. Thankfully it's been raining to I can't pull the bin out to dig through it (again). It's so much easier to spread love elsewhere when there's less stuff taking it up. One day I'll start my Kindness Rock Project...
To end this post, I'll share my extraordinary experience that took place two Sunday's ago in a super small Southern Utahan town: stopping to fill up the tank for the BLM land we were about to explore, I walked into this hole-in-the-wall store, grabbed a twelve-pack and put it on the counter to be scanned. Being friendly and trying to be polite, I say, to the obviously Mormon man, "oh man, you're the savior! The only place open for miles. We are headed deep into the land." His face dropped as I realized that I had just compared him to god because of beer....HAHAHAHAHA. Trying not to immediately laugh at my own mistake, we exchanged polite thank-yous and off I went! Oh Utah...as Ed Abbey has even said "3.2 beer is just disgraceful". I love this state....