How does one preface the self made discovery of the accumulation of the previous three years' experiences, to find that the power in forgiveness lies in the hands of the ones you couldn't forgive...
Red wine has become a close friend of mine, my Kiwi host father would be smiling at that admittance while drinking a glass himself, one leg crossed under the other in the comfy leather couch. To my Kiwi host mum, I miss you beyond words can describe, but for honest words' sake, I miss your lasagna the most.
My free time, mentally, is met by a constant conversation with myself, mainly in the art of analyzing and overthinking with a newfound degree of control over the anxiety produced as otherwise a previous by-product. With that, I have been brought to the metaphoric table of life to address why I have been able to find forgiveness in places but more importantly in people, who were in personal consideration, dead to me.
There is absolute strength in accepting that you forgive someone for what they have done, I am not here to discount that, however I believe that there is a far more pure point of forgiveness that we do not allow ourselves to go to, because it means admitting to our personal weaknesses. Once I was able to accept my role in why a relationship of any demeanor ended and once I was able to physically be around and in contact with them, I realized that that was true forgiveness.
When you can face the other person and not feel the past of what has happened, when you can lay to rest every emotion that became by-product of the beauty in how a human grows, that is the experience of forgiveness.
After experiencing heavy, heavy losses of friendships, I eventually came around to viewing these peoples' presence in my life, both positive and negative, as there being a genuine reason for it. I was due to learn something about myself, through another soul. If you really take the time to look at how every relationship has affected you, how it was brought you to where you are now in life as far as what expectations and efforts you are aware of, how could you ever regret it? You're choosing to spend more time figuring out how to lie in a bed with too many sheets when really all you need is pick your favorite. You shouldn't settle for less, you shouldn't treat others dishonestly along the way, and you can find forgiveness in the faces that you once couldn't bare the sight of.